Under the Chuppah and Over the Moon

Mazel tov! I'm [Your name], [Groom's name]'s older sister, and yes, I'm the one who's been giving him unsolicited advice since 1994. First of all, can we acknowledge that [Groom's name] actually managed to stomp on the glass on his first try? Our cousin David needed three attempts at his wedding, so the bar was low, but still - well done.

Growing up, [Groom's name] was the kid who argued with the rabbi during Hebrew school. Not because he didn't care, but because he cared too much. He had questions about everything. "Why this prayer? Why that tradition?" The rabbi once told our mother, "Your son will either become a great scholar or a great lawyer." He became an accountant. Close enough.

When [Groom's name] told our family he was getting married, our mother immediately started planning. And by planning, I mean she called every relative within a three-hundred-mile radius before he'd even hung up the phone. By the time he got home, Aunt Miriam had already offered to make her famous brisket and Uncle Saul had volunteered to DJ. Nobody asked Uncle Saul. He just decided.

[Bride's name], welcome to the family. You should know that Friday night dinners are non-negotiable, you will be asked about grandchildren before you've finished your soup, and my mother will send you home with enough leftovers to feed your entire office.

But in all seriousness, you make my brother the happiest I've ever seen him. And that means more to me than I can say.

So, l'chaim! To [Bride's name] and [Groom's name] - may your love be as enduring as a Jewish guilt trip, which is to say, forever. L'chaim!