The stepmum who finally gets her moment: A Funny Stepmother of the Bride Speech Example (302 words)

The first time I met Ruby, she was fourteen, she looked me up and down across her dad's kitchen, and she said, "So. You're the girlfriend." Then she ate the last slice of pizza I'd been saving. And I thought: right. This one's going to keep me on my toes.

I want to be clear about something. I did not raise Ruby. I arrived halfway through the film, no idea what had happened in the first hour, trying to work out who everyone was and why there was a hamster called Beyoncé. Being a stepmum is a strange job. Nobody hands you a manual. You just show up, love the child anyway, and hope they don't put "wicked" in front of your title at the wedding.

For years I got "Mark's wife." Fair enough. Then somewhere along the line — I couldn't tell you the exact day — it became "This is Sue." No qualifier. Just Sue. And reader, I cried into a Tesco meal deal in the car park over that one.

Here's what I know about Ruby that took me fifteen years to earn the right to say. She is fierce about the people she loves. She once drove three hours in the rain to sit with a friend who'd had a bad day, then drove three hours back for work at six a.m. She never mentioned it. That's who she is when no one's watching.

And Tom — Tom, you gorgeous, patient man — you saw all of that and you signed up for the whole beautiful, chaotic package. Beyoncé the hamster is watching from above, and she approves.

So raise your glasses. To Ruby, who let me in one slice of pizza at a time. And to Tom, who gets the last slice now.

To the happy couple.