What Should You Not Say in a Wedding Speech?

Some things seem obvious in hindsight but come up surprisingly often:

• Ex-partners. Never mention them. Not even as a joke. Not even "we all knew they weren't the one."
• Stag or hen night stories. What happened there should stay there.
• Embarrassing stories the subject hasn't approved. If in doubt, ask them first.
• Anything about the cost of the wedding. Just don't.
• Divorce statistics. Not funny. Not clever. Not welcome.

These are the ones that don't seem wrong until you're halfway through:

• Inside jokes with no context. If fewer than half the room will understand it, cut it or set it up properly.
• Making the speech about yourself. You're the messenger, not the main character.
• Backhanded compliments. "I never thought he'd settle down" isn't as charming as it sounds.
• Going on too long. The room's goodwill has a timer. Respect it.
• Reading the room wrong. A clean roast works with some crowds, not all. Know your audience.

Read it to someone who knows the couple but isn't in the wedding party. If they wince at any point, cut that part. The "would I say this if the couple's grandparents were listening" test catches most problems.

Nail The Speech is calibrated to avoid these pitfalls, but it's always worth a final read-through with fresh eyes.